Her wealthy husband keeps frequenting local food banks for groceries. The wife, alarmed by ethical concerns, confronted him. Yet, her husband doesn’t see anything wrong with the practice. Here’s the full story, as told on Reddit:
The Original Poster (OP) starts by explaining that she’s been with her husband for the last 17 years. They’ve had a few rocky times, but overall their relationship’s been great. She also noted their financial situation…
They Earn Well Above Average in Their Area
While her husband’s the main breadwinner in the household right now, OP has a substantial trust fund. So, in combination with her job as a part-time teacher (she’s also attending university, using her salary to cover tuition), their joint annual household income is over $200k. The average salary where they live? $50k.
He’s Weird When It Comes to Money
OP explains that one ongoing problem in their relationship is how frugal her husband can be. Apparently, he has a nasty habit of trying to control her spending. He wants to “have the final say on how he uses his earnings.” OP adds that she’s not once spent his money and never expects that to change. Trust fund, remember?
He Uses Foodbanks
However, there’s one big issue between them that hasn’t gone away: her husband regularly goes to foodbanks for groceries. They don’t even need the food. But he insists on going anyway so they can save money. He purposefully makes himself look scruffy and takes their old car in order to “blend in.”
She’s Explained the Ethical Issues
OP hates it. She’s told him – someone who’s never experienced food scarcity – how valuable those foodbanks are in the community, but he refuses to listen. Worse still, they don’t need more groceries, so what he takes from the foodbank often goes in the trash anyway. The last straw happened recently…
He Did It Again
On the morning OP published this story on Reddit, she’d come home to discover her husband had filled their fridge with “fresh produce and meat.” When she asked him about it, he owned up to taking it from another foodbank. He said he’d seen something on Facebook about them receiving a donation. When she checked the post, she saw others commenting to ask if anything was left. There wasn’t…
She Needed Space
OP showed her husband the comments but he didn’t care. According to him, those people should have just got there earlier if they needed food. OP couldn’t take it anymore. Needing space, she packed a bag and went to stay at her brother’s place for a couple of days.
Her Husband and His Family Weren’t Happy
Her husband told OP she was “overreacting [and] being vindictive.” He told her he didn’t care how she felt; that he’d keep going back to the foodbanks. Now his family’s getting involved, too. Apparently, she’s an a****** who should “stop interfering with his choices.”
Is She In the Wrong?
OP turned to Reddit for a second opinion. All she really wanted space for was to stop feeling so angry at her husband. She knows she could drop the whole issue and let him off the hook, but she hates that he takes food from people who actually need it. Is she in the wrong here?
Reddit’s On Her Side
Absolutely not. That, in a nutshell, is how people on Reddit responded. According to them, the only person who should apologize for anything is her husband. The top comment said:
“This is completely unhinged. A man making 200k while married to a woman with a trust fund going to a food bank is unacceptable. I couldn’t live like that, and I also couldn’t live with someone controlling how the money was spent. You are absolutely not wrong to want space. I would want permanent space.”
Does He Need Counselling?
Other Redditors made the point that something in her husband’s past might be responsible for his issues around it. Perhaps he could benefit from therapy? One person wrote:
“I imagine there is some kind of food insecurity or trauma around food in the husband’s past that makes him essentially steal food that he doesn’t even need. (I know it’s not legally stealing – but ethically it is.) I’m wondering what his early childhood was like – whether either of his parents were addicts, whether food was readily available etc, etc. I would make counselling a condition of any return home. He can afford it, and it might help save the marriage.”
Speak to the Food Banks
Others were less sympathetic. Many thought her husband’s actions were downright despicable and that OP should go to the foodbanks to warn them about him. For example, one said:
“What your husband is doing isn’t frugality, it’s being a s***** person. I would go to the food bank with his photo and speak to the person in charge. Tell them you’re very sorry your husband has been coming, but you want to let them know he is not in need of a food bank. If possible, I’d offer to make a charitable donation to cover the food he has taken from them. I don’t know if they can outright refuse him or not, but it’s worth a shot. They should be aware.”
What Do You Think?
So, whose side are you on? Do you agree that the villain of the story is OP’s husband? Or, like her husband and his family say, was OP being unreasonable somehow? What should OP do to tackle the issue? Drop a comment with your thoughts.
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