What’s the secret behind a happy marriage? Join us as Reddit users address this burning question, offering 15 suggestions that they believe can significantly strengthen a married couple’s bond:
15. “Being a good team doesn’t mean splitting everything 50/50.”
“My point is splitting everything 50/50 might look fair, clean and tidy but it’s more likely to be a one way ticket to unnecessary pressure and resentment.”
14. “Love doesn’t hit you like a wave.”
“Your feelings of devotion don’t overtake your life. But if something is working, spending time with your someone is easy, then don’t give it up. Because before you know it, you realise you did love that person, and now you’re without, because you underestimated how much you liked them.”
“I get this too sometimes and have discussed it with a therapist. I think our expectation of what love is has been heavily influenced by TV/films etc. What we see is the honeymoon phase and that always fades. For the rest of life, it’s basically as normal, all the ups and downs that you had when you were single but with someone else there, hopefully someone else to confide in and trust. It won’t always be glamorous but love is a choice we make and as long as you’re choosing that together you’re golden!”
13. “Learning the difference between being let down and just being disappointed.”
“If they promised something and don’t do it, that’s letting you down. If you were just hoping or expecting them to do something and they don’t, you’re just disappointed, but they haven’t necessarily done anything wrong.
However, it can feel exactly the same so it’s really important to recognise which one of you is being unreasonable. It might be you.”
12. “Keep arguments to the point!”
“Can you tell my bf this? If we’re having an argument he’ll randomly bring up completely unrelated things so we can never have an actual discussion about the thing that’s causing problems. If I try to keep him on track, he’ll say “we’re arguing about x but now we’re arguing about y, stop trying to change the subject” but I feel like I’m trying to stick to the point! It’s very frustrating for me.”
11. “Teamwork Makes The Dreamwork.”
“When an issue arises, it’s you and your partner vs the issue. Not issue vs me vs you.”
“This is THE most important rule I’ve ever discovered in my marriage, and it should be the top comment. Always, always us vs. the problem. Never me vs you.”
10. “Don’t assume you know what they’re thinking.”
“Don’t think you know what anyone else is thinking—that’s just stories in your head. Check, clarify—don’t assume.”
“This is generally pretty excellent advice for friends and family as well imo. The amount of people who read way too far into the time friends/family take to reply to texts, really small behavioural things, and that kind of thing is really sad. Usually people aren’t being d*** on purpose.”
9. “Don’t compete over your problems.”
“The worst [thing] you can do…is to start competing about who is having the hardest time or is the most tired. This is surprisingly common in my experience and is enough to put you over the edge.”
“Parent with two young kids here. Whenever I raised my tiredness it became a competition…It’s like my wife just couldn’t help comparing how much more tired she was, and how much of a break she needed. I was made to feel that my problems weren’t valid because I wasn’t looking after a kid 247, and it was unfair of me to complain.”
8. “Learn and respect their insecurities.”
“Everyone has a “nuclear button”. One thing about themselves that makes them the most insecure, most upset, will ruin their day or just make them feel awful about themselves…It doesn’t matter what it is. Absolutely everyone has one and when you are in a relationship with someone you’ll get to understand what it is. The #1 advice? Don’t ever press that button.”
7. “Don’t be a doormat.”
“People will speak to you in a way they would never tolerate done to them because: a) they feel good letting all their anger out; b) when it’s not them being hurt, it doesn’t matter. You must stick up for yourself, else be treated like a doormat.”
“Yeah I feel this one. 10+ years into my relationship, I’m still learning this one. Sticking up for yourself is hard.”
6. “Communicate. Don’t stay silent.”
“Good communication solves a lot of problems and giving the silent treatment is toxic. The only times we really have had any spats is when we have refused to talk about something and just let problems brew.”
“On the flip side, I have found that it’s good to take time to cool off if you have an argument. Sometimes the argument disappears in a puff of smoke if you just leave it for an hour or two.
Not every problem has to be addressed and resolved instantly. And frequently problems are not really problems if you sap the initial anger, frustration, emotion, irritation, whatever.”
5. “Have your partner’s back.”
“When you’re out with friends/family, you are a united front. Don’t kick your partner under the bus. Have their back. If you’re going to disagree, do it when you get home.”
“To add to this, don’t go sharing all your arguments and disagreements with friends and family. Sort it out between you. Obviously, if you’re in an abusive relationship tell someone, but general arguments don’t need to be discussed outside of the relationship.”
4. “Don’t become dependent on them.”
“I love you, but I don’t need you. In every aspect of it. Don’t become dependent on the other person. For general happiness and fulfilment. And a major one – financially. It is incredibly selfish to put your own happiness into somebody else’s hands. We should be content individuals on our own before we can be content and happy together. It’s selfish putting the responsibility of our own happiness on the other person.
…Bonus tip : Don’t do everything together. Have some time apart. Have separate hobbies. It will make you miss each other and have things to share when you’re together.”
3. “Don’t make a major deal about minor issues.”
“If they do something that isn’t to your preference don’t make a major deal about it, just fix it yourself. Examples being like loading the dish washer a different way or not putting house keys away in the right place. Too many relationships ruined by people just constantly making a big deal out of the smallest most mundane issues.”
“Or just ask nicely to do it differently/correctly. The key is to not moan and complain about something not done to your liking.”
2. “They require constant work.”
“Relationships are work. They require mutual trust and respect. You can work through the hard times. If someone doesn’t love you, you can’t make them stay.”
“Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new – Ursula Le Guin”
“Nobody comes perfect as they are. The best you can do is be two people who love each other enough to work on yourselves and the relationship. Nobody is a perfectly fitting puzzle piece.”
1. “You don’t have to fix their problems.”
“When your partner is moaning, venting, complaining etc. About their job, collegue, family or something in their life…THEY DO NOT WANT YOU TO FIX IT! My go to response was “what can I say to make it better, what advice can I give, what would I do…” NO. A lot of the time, your S.O just wants to vent, express and unload on someone they trust. That’s it, you don’t need to do anything, just listen. This can often be way more helpful than your “solutions “.”
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Source: Reddit.