A guy asked Reddit for help after a fight with his girlfriend. She refused to join a “sexist” dinner tradition within his family where only the women were expected to cook while the men sat back and relaxed. So, is her decision to boycott this tradition justified? Or should she back down for her boyfriend’s sake?
The Background
The original poster (OP) starts by explaining that he has a big family who are very close. They get together for dinner every few months at his great-grandfather’s estate. Nice, right? However, there’s a problem…
It’s a “Traditional” Setup
The dinners typically involve the women in the family going off to do the cooking, while the men do nothing to help. OP knows it’s sexist, but he’s one of the youngest in the family. According to him, his “protests mean literally nothing.”
Refusing Is Problematic
OP says some women in the family decide not to cook. However, most are wives and long-term girlfriends, which means they can get away with it. In the past, when new partners have made the same choice, they’ve been ostracized by the others. Apparently, the other women have refused to speak to them, been “catty,” or rude.
His Girlfriend’s Invited
The next family dinner’s in a couple of weeks. And OP’s girlfriend is invited. She said she’d go initially, which OP was happy about – he wants her to meet the family and vice versa. However, she was far from thrilled when he told her about the tradition…
OP Wants Her to “Play Along”
OP told his girlfriend he understood why she was bothered about it. But, at the same time, he feels it’s “best for everyone if she just played along.” He reassured her it isn’t something she’ll have to do every time. Furthermore, it’s for her benefit – he doesn’t want the family to treat her badly. He wants her to make a good first impression…
She Said It’s Unacceptable
OP’s girlfriend didn’t see things that way. According to her, the whole thing is unacceptable. If she’s really expected to cook, then she simply won’t go. OP says he’s tried compromising with her but “she won’t budget and she’s p***** at [him].”
OP’s as Bad as Them
His girlfriend then accused OP of being as bad as the rest of them if he thinks any of this is acceptable. He knows it’s not great, but he just wants his family’s first impression of her to be positive. Is he the bad guy?
Reddit’s Against Him
If OP was expecting sympathy from Reddit, he didn’t get it. People were well and truly against him in the comments section. The top comment first accused him of being the a******, then offered a re-writing of the issue:
“”Why won’t my gf abandon her sense of self-respect so that she can establish herself as a subservient woman-tool so that my sexist family won’t mentally and verbally abuse her?! She just doesn’t get it!!””
Someone else then piggybacked on this to say, “”Why is my gf mad that my family expects her to cook for them after inviting her to dinner as a guest?””
He Should Help Out
Someone else chimed in with a potential solution. They wrote:
“My best recommendation to you is to take your girlfriend to the kitchen, have her sit down and chat with your family, and YOU do some dishes or food prep work. That way she is not trying to socialize without you, her safe person, being around. And her “share” (although she should NOT have a share of the work!) is being covered by YOU.
I can’t believe you have to have it spelled out for you like this, but – YTA if you ditch her in the kitchen to work with strangers while you wander away to go shoot the s*** with your male relatives without a care in the world!”
Her Family Should Make The Good Impression
Another popular comment honed in on the family. They said, “What about your family making a good first impression on HER and not expecting her to be an unpaid cook and servant?”
What Do You Think?
So whose side are you on? Can you sympathise with OP’s predicament? Do you think his girlfriend should stick to tradition and help with the cooking in order to make a good first impression? Or is OP wrong for asking her to do this? Is there a better solution? Drop a comment with your thoughts.
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Source: Reddit.