Someone recently turned to Reddit for advice after his wife threw him a birthday party he hadn’t wanted. When she asked how his day had been, he told her the truth, which made her cry. Is he as ungrateful as she says? Or did his wife overreact and fail to listen to her husband’s wishes? Here’s the story.
She Asked What He Wanted For His Birthday
The Original Poster (OP) starts by explaining it was his birthday recently. When his wife asked what he’d like to do for it, he told her he’d like a relaxing day at home. Coffee, video games, dinner – maybe a massage. But nothing crazy.
She Had Other Ideas
Unfortunately for OP, his wife had other plans. You see, while he prefers to relax, she loves big events, parties, and so on. OP thinks his preferences are so different to hers that it’s hard for her to understand, which helps explain what happened next…
She Organized a Party
Despite telling her not to, OP’s wife decided to organize a party for him…without him knowing. So when the big day came around, she told him in the morning that she’d invited some of their friends around to celebrate. OP wasn’t thrilled by the idea, which made his wife defensive. For her sake as much as anyone else’s, he didn’t say any more and decided to make the best of the day.
It Went Fine, But His Wife Seemed Unhappy
The birthday party was fun, there were no real issues, and everyone left by the early evening. It just isn’t how OP would have chosen to spend his day off – let alone his birthday. So when they were cleaning up and his wife asked how his birthday was, he told her it “was pretty good” and offered a little shrug. He didn’t want to lie.
She Burst Into Tears
OP’s response wasn’t what his wife wanted to hear. She started crying and told him she’d worked hard on it; that it wasn’t easy doing things for his birthday when he doesn’t tell her what he wants.
He Tried to Calm Her Down
OP seems like a good guy. He didn’t want his wife to be upset – he just didn’t want to lie about how his day had been. So he tried to say it wasn’t a big deal and reassured her that he a) had enjoyed seeing his friends and family and b) appreciated all the effort she’d gone to.
He Tried to Explain His Side
While trying to console her, OP also told his wife that, from his perspective, he’d been quite clear about what he wanted to do for his birthday. He said it felt like she hadn’t listened. His wife didn’t like hearing this, either. She said “she couldn’t believe she did so much for [him] and instead of thanking her, [he] made her cry.” OP adds that he definitely had thanked her earlier in the day…
She’s Still Annoyed
It’s been a few days since his birthday and it still seems like there’s tension between them. From her perspective, he “ruined” his birthday. OP’s torn. He doesn’t want to come across as ungrateful, but he also doesn’t think he should have to apologize. Should he do it anyway?
Reddit’s Firmly On His Side
OP’s story received thousands of upvotes and hundreds of comments – all of which seemed to side with him. His wife should have been more respectful of his wishes.
One person said, “You did clearly say what you wanted, she did not listen. You were not nasty about it either, just sincere. I hate it when someone wants to be praised for something that was unasked for. I think you have nothing to apologize for.”
They Need to Have a Chat
Someone else hopped onto the back of that comment, suggesting that: “OP needs to sit her down and talk about how he’s allowed to enjoy different things than her, regardless of how she feels about it. If she can’t accept that and paints it as her “working so hard” and not taking accountability for going against what you had said…. Yikes.”
They add, “She thinks OP “didn’t participate by telling her what he wants” because op doesn’t enjoy the same kind of celebrations. You were talking, but she wasn’t listening. Through one ear out the other. It seems she’s incapable of going outside of what she enjoys herself.”
She Refused to Listen
Many Reddit users talked about his wife’s apparent unwillingness to listen. Someone wrote, “You told her exactly what you wanted and she refused to listen and did the complete opposite. That’s on her not you. Maybe she’ll remember this for next time.”
She Made It About Her
Someone else commented on how his wife seemed to make the whole event about her, saying “Your wife made your birthday about her. You told her, clearly, what you wanted. She chose to do what she wanted and was then upset because you didn’t like it. She sounds exhausting.”
What Do You Think?
What are your thoughts on what OP should do next? And whose side are you on? Do you think he should have been more effusive with his praise after his wife went to the effort of throwing him a birthday party? Or should she have respected his wishes and not hosted anything in the first place? Does she have any right to be upset? Drop a comment with your thoughts.
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