Someone on Reddit canceled a vacation with their wife because she gave too much money to her ex-husband and adult son. This led to a big argument between the couple. Want to find out who’s in the wrong? Check out the full story!
The Original Poster (OP) began their tale by explaining that he earns quite a lot more than his wife. As a result, they tend to split any joint expenses 70/30. For larger expenses, they often split the expense based on what she can afford, but OP’s also paid the full amount before purely so they can experience something together.
She Has an Adult Son
OP’s wife has an adult son from a previous marriage. When she and OP first got together, he offered to pay extra for certain things to help her take care of him until he turned 18 and could look after himself. Importantly, his son-in-law lives with his biological father and has done for most of their relationship.
Her Son Seems to Float Through Life
Despite being 23 now, his son-in-law still doesn’t seem to have a plan for his life. He chose not to attend college, decided against trade school, and tends to move between jobs – a bit like his biological father. And that, according to OP, is where the problem lies…
They Ask For Money
Every so often, his wife’s son or ex-husband calls up asking for money. The amounts vary. Sometimes it’s a few hundred, other times it’s 20 bucks, but it happens consistently. His wife always obliges and, unfortunately, it’s meant she’s been short on cash for some of their previous plans and/or for expenses she’s offered to cover. It’s hard to say no, though. Her ex says that because their son still lives with him, it’s only fair that she should help financially. OP understands, but only to an extent.
They Were Meant to Go On Vacation
Anyway, fast forward to the present day and OP and his wife had plans to go on vacation. It was nothing extravagant, but the trip was set for the end of the month and they’d agreed to split the cost. Almost everything was sorted, but there were a few final costs to come, such as the rental car and hotels.
That’s When Her Ex Called
However, everything got thrown up in the air when her ex-husband called asking for money again. His car had been impounded and he’d fallen behind on rent. On top of that, her son hadn’t gone to work because the car wasn’t there – and he didn’t want to get the bus or ride his bike. Once again, his wife obliged, paying close to $5,000 to help them out.
She Can’t Afford to Pay
After paying that amount of cash to help her son and ex-husband, OP’s wife can no longer afford to pay for her share of the vacation. The result? He told her he was going to cancel it.
They’re Arguing About It
OP’s wife wasn’t happy about his decision. She called him heartless. After all, she was just trying to take care of her son. OP refuses to budge, though. From his perspective, she shouldn’t have to be helping them out because they’re both able-bodied adults. As far as he can tell, it’s only their poor decisions that are stopping them from looking after themselves properly. Not only that, but her willingness to keeping saving their financial bacon is now impacting their lives more frequently – a reality he hadn’t signed up for.
Was He The Bad Guy Here?
OP turned to Reddit to ask if they thought he was wrong. Should he not have canceled the vacation? Unsurprisingly, perhaps, Reddit was firmly on his side. Here’s what people had to say:
His Wife Puts Them First
One Reddit user cut right to the chase. From their perspective, OP definitely isn’t the bad guy, but they don’t understand why he’s even in the relationship. They wrote:
“Why are you married to her though, since she clearly puts her ex and grown son before you and your marriage? She’s enabling their financial irresponsibility, and that will never change.” Another person agreed, saying “OP is subsidizing the ex through a financial polycule.” If you’re wondering, a polycule is “a connected network of people in non-monogamous relationships.”
It’s Him Or Them
Other Redditors expressed similar thoughts, noting that his wife’s decision to prioritize her ex-husband and son isn’t healthy for their relationship. One wrote:
“Wow. I would absolutely lose my patience really quickly. OP, you’re NTA, but you need to be very clear on how to manage this…weird situation. Tell your WIFE: ‘It’s either “US” or your ex (he’s an EXhusband, after all) and grown son. Not both. You don’t live with them. Our money is our money. Not to be shared outside our home, we’ve worked too hard for it.
Ex and son are grown adults, and they can take care of themselves. If they fail at something and need money, that’s on them. They won’t learn to fend for themselves until they realize that the bank is closed. Son or not, no more bailing them out. We can’t afford to put them on the dole, as we have to scrimp and save to do anything nice for us, as it is. They are taking advantage of you and your inability to say no. You need to tell them that there will be no more financial help.’
And, stick with it. She has a lot of baggage, and she needs to lose some of it for you two to have a better relationship and marriage. Right now, you’ve got two other freeloaders in the mix.”
What Do You Think?
So, now you’ve heard the story and seen what people on Reddit had to say, what’s your opinion? Do you have a side? Should OP have paid for his wife’s portion of the vacation anyway, despite the agreement they’d had in advance? Or was he right to make a point by canceling it? Is his wife in the wrong for continuing to help her child out financially? Drop your thoughts in the comments!
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