A woman has turned to Reddit to vent after her husband-to-be went behind her back to cancel the vegan options on their wedding menu. He says it “isn’t real food” and that it’s a waste of money. But she’s a vegan – as is her entire family. Oh, and she’s the one paying for the wedding. Here’s the story.
The Original Poster (OP) was due to get married to her fiancé in the near future. The planning process had gone smoothly, for the most part. However, that changed when they came to decide on the wedding food menu…
She’s Vegan; He’s Not
For a host of reasons – one of which is health – OP and her family are vegans. So, naturally, she wanted some vegan options on the menu to accommodate that. However, her fiancé and his side of the family, who are all big meat eaters, said it was a waste of money. Why? Because it “isn’t real food.”
They Could Just Have Salad
On top of thinking it wasn’t real food, they said serving it on the menu would be straight-up offensive for the guests they were inviting. Couldn’t OP just have “the good ol’ salads & appetizers” as the vegan options?
Unsurprisingly, perhaps, OP declined that suggestion and put her foot down about having actual vegan options available. For one thing, the wedding was being paid for by her and her family! But, more importantly, she wanted her guests to have something more than just salad to eat. End of argument.
He Canceled the Vegan Options
OP’s fiance had other ideas, though. Not long after discussing the food, she discovered he’d gone behind her back and taken all of the vegan options off the menu. She was livid and – after he refused to take her calls – ended up going to his office to give him a piece of her mind.
He Blamed His Mom
After asking her to leave his office because she was causing a scene, the argument continued at home. Her fiancé’s first excuse was that his mom told him to do it. But he also accused OP of having a role to play because she hadn’t been respecting either his or his family’s input.
OP Didn’t Agree
For OP, that made no sense. After all, the menu was packed full of meat options. Why couldn’t she have a few vegan ones? Especially when she’s paying for everything? In return, he shouted that it was his wedding, too.
His Mom Tried Explaining
After declining her phone calls, her fiancé’s mom sent long messages trying to explain the situation and justify what he’d done.
Apparently, OP and her family had been dismissive of her son’s input. His mom said she’d had no role in his decision to cancel the vegan food, but that she fully supported it. In fact, it had been the responsible thing to do given that OP refused to see it as the waste of money it was. Oh, and she pointed out that this isn’t actually OP’s money that’s paying for the wedding. Now they’re getting married, it was both of theirs – she said OP should “wisen up and get rid of [the] ‘my money, I paid for it’ mentality.” His mom said they’re all upset and that OP should agree to the compromises they’d suggested and leave it there.
OP Is Having None of It
The messages from her fiancé’s mom infuriated OP. She refused to back down and threatened to cancel the entire wedding over it if she had to. Everyone on her side of the family is at a loss for what to do. OP thought the whole thing was ridiculous. Was she the only one?
Reddit’s On Her Side
The people on Reddit were firmly on OP’s side. The most upvoted comment said she definitely wasn’t in the wrong and suggested “for the love of god don’t marry this man.” Another chimed in, saying “I’m on my knees begging her to see the giant [red flag emojis].”
It’s a Bad Sign
People pointed out that this situation hardly bodes well for the future marriage. One wrote, “This is how your marriage would go, you need/want something, he decides you don’t and just goes behind your back whenever you disagree.” Another asked “Is there a better way to start a marriage than making sure that the bride has nothing to eat on her wedding day?”
He Doesn’t Come Off Well
OP’s fiancé took some flack in the comments section. One Redditor wrote: “So, he: 1. has no clue what Vegans actually eat, and no interest in learning. 2. believes having food for your family is offensive to theirs, while having no food for your family is perfectly fine. 3. doesn’t respect your input and your money. 4. makes decisions about matters important to you behind your back. 5. either can’t stand up to his mom or uses her as his scapegoat. That’s a lot of things to be really angry about. Why are you marrying this guy again?”
What Do You Think?
What’s your perspective on this situation? Can you see where OP’s fiancé is coming from? Or is he 100% in the wrong? We wonder if he feels disempowered by the fact his future wife’s paying for the wedding. Perhaps cancelling the vegan food was his way of asserting himself? It doesn’t justify doing it, but maybe it explains why he stooped so low. Drop a comment to let us know your thoughts.
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