Married Men Confess: 14 Things They Do When Home Alone

Written By Wise Healthy n Wealthy

When you and the kids are gone, your husband may be getting up to some interesting antics alone in the house. Take a peek behind closed doors as we delve into 14 amusing and unexpected activities that married men on Reddit openly confessed to doing when left alone:

14. Watch Horror Movies

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“Watch the movies and shows that she doesnt like, we watch a lot of things together, but i dont have as much time or space to watch my own things, cant wait for her next time away so i can watch Evil Dead Rise, she hates horror.”

“That’s my life. My wife won’t watch any horror with demons or has exorcisms/possessions. I can’t wait to watch Evil Dead Rise alone.”

13. Bake/cook something without “help”

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“Amen Brother! “Without help”. I like to take my time, drink beer, prep ALL the ingredients, lay them out like a cooking show.”

“Or little comments of why are you doing this or that. Or doctoring my cookies cause this sounds good too. Woman, I lived alone for most a decade before I met you. I cooked full meals for myself, friends, and family. Got complients and requests for my baked goods. Let me be.”

12. Enjoy the little (disgusting) things

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“Poop with the door open.”

“Fart. Eat cookies.”

“P*** hub and a good w***. Uncomplicated.”

11. Sleep, scroll, and enjoy creative projects

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“I took a day off work and didn’t tell my wife until she got home from work. This was my list of accomplishments: Get the kids ready for school and drop them off (my usual), go back to bed, strong black coffee and Reddit/YouTube, nap, shop, time on creative projects, not house maintenance, pick up the kids, meal prep, make dinner (also usual). At dinner when my wife asked “how was work?” I told her about my day off. When asked why I didn’t tell her, I told her, if she knew I was off she would have given me tasks to do. She accepted my desire for self-care.”

10. Literally nothing

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“Absolutely nothing. I mean, not a damn thing. It’s nice to be able to not have to go anywhere, do anything, just sit and relax in silence. Other than that, catch up on shows play a game browse Reddit etc.”

“My wife used to travel for work. Gone 3 nights? Do absolutely nothing for 3 nights, and then cram in all the laundry/dishes/chores into the shortest possible time frame before she got home.”

“Have silence. Non-judgemental peace and quiet.”

9. Time in the man cave

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“I am literally in my garage right now while my wife and kids are out and I am just listening to music and moving things from one pile to another pile. It. Is. Glorious.”

“Ah the useless pile and the good pile. Neither shall be touched nor altered by those not sanctified by the man who owns said piles. So it was written.”

8. Eat, drink, and be merry 

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“When my wife goes out of town on business I like to get myself a bottle of red wine and go to this old-fashioned burger joint the next town over and get myself some dinner, and I lay around in bed and watch f***** up movies she won’t watch with me while I drink wine and eat a burger. She doesn’t drink at all, and I rarely drink, so it’s a nice little treat.”

“Mines a good bourbon (that I enjoy one glass of, my drinking wild times have passed me by) and either old war movies or B horror, something with blood and 80’s bewbs.”

“This is me, order food that I normally wouldn’t get and watch shows my wife won’t watch. It’s the best vacation ever. I call it a “bedroom picnic.””

7. Chill and listen to music

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“Enjoy the silence, listen to music with the good headphones, nap, bake something, play with my bird (not a euphemism).”

“Can’t emphasize enjoy silence enough. I love my wife but I swear she’s violently allergic to peace.”

6. Take drugs and relax

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“Last year my wife and son went to visit her parents in another state, and I stayed behind with our pets. I usually have around 100 Hours PTO banked at any given time, so I took a couple days off, cleaned house, and then dropped acid and walked around my neighborhood. Then I went home and watched Midnight Gospel, cause I always thought it would be fun to watch while tripping. It was.”

“Usually a little bit of day drinking, smoking a good bowl. Watching the movies my wife doesn’t like/daughter shouldn’t. Play some games. Followed by a nap on the couch in complete silence.”

“Smoke some fine marijuana on the couch.”

5. Play video games

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“Same. Party chat with the homies!”

“I like to play all the violent games my wife doesn’t like and my kids shouldn’t see.”

“Just remember to update the games you want to play the day before. I’ve been hit by 100Gb updates when I just want to sit down and play the damn game.”

4. Everything the wife doesn’t like

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“Tomorrow night will be my first non-working time home alone in over a year…My plan was to set the thermostat how I like for once, watch what I want on the actual TV instead of an iPad, either make or order food that I like but my wife and kids don’t, and then go to bed with the ceiling fan on and the TV off.”

“I usually have plans like this if my wife and kid are ever out spending the night at my mother in law’s, but it’s such a rare occurrence that I usually hit the couch, crack a beer, and fall asleep within 20 minutes.”

3. Hang out with the pets

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“I’m currently drinking bourbon and smoking a cigar on the deck with my dog browsing Reddit.”

“Play with the cats, build forts with them, or go for walks in the woods with them. These three tomcats of mine are always down to party.”

“Sometimes I get home from work early, and more than once I’ve found my husband had built a blanket fort and was watching TV with the cats.”

2. Miss their families…

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“Miss my wife, mostly.”

“About once a year, my wife will go on a trip with my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law, and all the kids. The first night is glorious. I’ll have a couple friends over, grill out, talk about sports and music, they leave, and I have uninterrupted sleep. Second day, I work, eat crappy college-style food and watch whatever sport is on tv, it’s great but I start missing the chaos of the family. Third day I work, start cleaning and doing projects around the house, get a little lonely. If there is a fourth day, I work, do some more projects and start asking when they’ll be home. I love some alone time but it really makes me appreciate the chaos of the whole family being here.”

1. Do things without fear of reprisal

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“Play my f****** guitar, really, really loud like when I was 18!!!!”

“I’ll watch Master and Commander / Hunt for Red October / A Few Good Men / The Martian / Shawshank Redemption / etc., without having to hear her commentary that I’ve watched this movie before.”

“Not deal with drama. Not deal with the mess she makes. Honestly, I just let my blood pressure drop to its natural state.”




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