A couple had a longstanding agreement where they gave each other full freedom on Mother’s/Father’s Day. However, when it was his turn, his wife insisted on attending a random person’s funeral – forcing him to abandon his Father’s Day plans. Does he have a right to be upset with her? Here’s the full story, as told on Reddit:
The Background
The Original Poster (OP) starts by explaining that he and his wife have two kids, who are four and six years old. Their six-year-old has autism, which OP says can be very stressful for everyone involved. Neither he nor his wife get much of a break, although he works full-time while she’s a stay-at-home mom.
They Give Each Other Breaks
OP and his wife love their kids. However, raising them is a definite challenge, so they also value taking breaks. It doesn’t happen often, but they made a rule a long time ago that (alongside other impromptu time away) each of them is entitled to two “guaranteed breaks” each year: their birthdays and Mother’s/Father’s Day.
The Other Person Takes On the Childcare
On their breaks, one of them will take on the “brunt of the burden so the other can get a day to relax.” They’ve done this for years and OP always respects his wife’s days off. He’ll schedule nice activities for her, such as spa days, then organize all sorts of other lovely things for when she gets home. Unfortunately, his wife hasn’t been as good as reciprocating. According to OP, “she hasn’t really done anything” for him over the last year.
He Organized Something for Himself
OP tries not to let this get to him. After all, he knows how difficult it is. Nevertheless, it’s started to feel unfair. This Father’s Day, she showed no signs of organizing anything for him, so he did it for himself instead. He gave her advance warning and made sure she was okay with it. Sadly, things took a bad turn…
She Went to a Funeral
Just before Father’s Day, his wife got a call from her ex-boss to say that the boss’s father had died. She was invited to the funeral, which was a couple of hours away. She decided to go…
He Had to Cancel His Plans
His wife’s decision to attend the funeral meant OP had to cancel his long-awaited Father’s Day plans. Instead, he was on daddy duty…again. Worse still, she got home from the funeral five hours after she said she’d be back. She didn’t even organize Father’s Day cards for him.
They Argued About It
OP and his wife got into a heated argument. He thought she’d “dropped the ball” on the whole situation and was frustrated that she hadn’t given him a break on Father’s Day. But, from her perspective, she’s with the kids all day almost every day, while he only has to lend a hand after work. She said he gets a break all the time – unlike her. OP pointed out that working doesn’t count as a break and, moreover, he’d been looking forward to the day he ended up having to cancel.
Is He Being Selfish?
OP’s wife ended up accusing him of being selfish. Why was he making it about him when someone had just died? But was that fair? As OP said to his wife, she’d gone to the funeral of “someone she didn’t know who was the parent of someone she hasn’t seen in over a year.” In his opinion, it wasn’t selfish to ask her to prioritize him in the same way he prioritizes her. Was he in the wrong?
Reddit’s On His Side
OP turned to Reddit to see whether anyone else thought he was the bad guy of this story (like his wife was suggesting). But no, most people thought the opposite. The top comment said:
“Your wife could have easily gone to the funeral & come home at 5. Perhaps, brought dinner, did baths & bed while you relaxed. She also absolutely should have helped the kids make/do something special for you. “Old boss’s Dad” — in my funeral book that does not really justify leaving family for an entire day, driving 4 hours & ignoring Father’s Day.”
A Funeral for Who?
Other people honed in on the fact his wife prioritized a funeral for someone she didn’t know over organizing something for her husband. As one person wrote:
“I was totally expecting that this was the funeral of someone really close to OP’s wife…but her “old boss’s Dad”????? Nope, that doesn’t justify forcing your husband to cancel his father’s day plans. She could have sent her condolences in a nice card a flower arrangement, and surely the old boss would have understood that she couldn’t just leave her family on father’s day – that is a day that most people devote to family.”
What Do You Think?
So whose side are you on? Was OP’s wife in the wrong for attending the funeral instead of helping him get a break from the hassles of daily life? Or, as his wife suggested, was OP the bad guy for wanting the day to be about him when somebody had just died (and she has to take care of the kids all the time…)? Drop a comment with your thoughts!
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The pictures in this article in no way represent anybody in the story.
Source: Reddit.