40 Worst Dad Jokes on the Internet (Probably)

Written By Wise Healthy n Wealthy

In the mood for some cheesy one-liners? Then brace yourself, for Reddit users have shared 40 of the worst (or perhaps best?) dad jokes you’ll ever encounter. Warning: you may find yourself simultaneously laughing and eye-rolling despite your best efforts:

1. The One About Haircuts

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“Dad, did you get a haircut?”

“No, I got them all cut.”

2. The One About the Sun

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A man stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.

Then it dawned on him.

3. The One About Staircases and Trust Issues

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Why didn’t the man trust staircases?

They were always up to something.

4. The One About Extra Socks for Golf

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Why does the man take an extra pair of socks when he plays golf?

Just in case he gets a hole in one.

5. The One About Average Factories

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What do you call a factory that makes okay products?

A satisfactory.

6. The One About Magic

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What do you call a magician who lost his magic?

Ian.

7. The One About Dental Pain

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What time was the man’s dentist appointment?

Tooth hurt-y.

8. The One About Bread and Marriage

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What’s the number one rule when two slices of bread get married?

No toasting.

9. The One About Janitors

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What did the janitor shout when he jumped out of the closet?

“Supplies!”

10. The One About Alphabets

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There was once a man who only knew 25 letters of the alphabet.

He didn’t know Y.

11. The One About Dinosaurs

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What do you call a dinosaur who asks lots of deep questions?

A philosiraptor.

12. The One About Oceans and Beaches

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What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved.

13. The One About Trees

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Why didn’t the man trust the trees?

They seemed kind of shady.

14. The One About Funny Eggs

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Why don’t eggs tell jokes?

They’d crack each other up.

15. The One About Hats

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What did one hat say to the other?

“Stay here, I’m going on ahead.”

16. The One About Pencils with Erasers

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What do you call a pencil with an eraser on both ends?

Pointless.

17. The One About Shoes

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“Dad, can you put my shoes on?”

“No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.”

18. The One About Anti-Gravity Books

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Why didn’t the man like the book about anti-gravity?

Because it was impossible to put down.

19. The One About Overcrowded Graveyards

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“This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in.”

20. The One About Apple Store Crimes

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What do you call someone who sees a crime at the Apple store?

An iWitness.

21. The One About Cashiers

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What did the man say to the cashier who asked if he wanted his milk in a bag?

“No thanks, just leave it in the carton.”

22. The One About Stealing Calendars

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Did you hear about the thief who stole a calendar?

He got 12 months.

23. The One About Calendar Concerns

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Why was the man worried about the calendar?

Its days were numbered.

24. The One About Farm Girls

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How do you convince a farm girl to be your husband?

First, a tractor.

25. The One About Tickling Octopuses

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How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles.

26. The One About Picking Your Nose

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“People say they pick their nose.

But I reckon I was born with mine.”

27. The One About Zero and Eight

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What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt!

28. The One About Big Noses

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“Dad, why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?”

“Because then it would be a foot.”

29. The One About Mount Everest

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A man built a model of Mount Everest. His son asked him, “Is it to scale?”

To which he replied, “No, it’s to look at.”

30. The One About Tissues Dancing

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How did the man make a tissue dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

31. The One About Corduroy Pillows

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How do you know when corduroy pillows are in style?

They make headlines.

32. The One About Playing Piano

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“Dad, can you play piano by ear?”

“No I use my hands.”

33. The One About a Man Catching Fog

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Did you hear about the man who tried to catch the fog?

He mist.

34. The One About Cheese Sandwiches

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A cheese sandwich walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

35. The One About Award-Winning Scarecrows

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was out-standing in his field.

36. The One About Elephants

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What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?

An irrelephant.

37. The One About Pampered Cows

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What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

38. The One About Monkeys

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What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?

Prime mates.

39. The One About Garlic

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What does garlic do when it’s too hot?

It takes its cloves off.

40. The One About Pizza

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“I could tell you a joke about pizza.

But it’s too cheesy.”

 

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This post first appeared on Wise Healthy n Wealthy.

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