Parenting doesn’t come with a rulebook, but the internet sure has opinions on what makes someone fall short in that department. From neglect to unhealthy behaviors, here are 13 red flags that might raise concerns about someone’s parenting skills:
13. Spilling Secrets
“Absolutely hate when adults tell other adults their children’s shameful secrets for no reason. even strangers! It tells me those children probably don’t feel like they can trust their parents.”
“This right here. I had a pretty horrible thing happen to me my senior year of high school. I called my mom sobbing, and the next day I found out she told her two best friends and multiple teacher friends of hers. I also found out her and my older sister were laughing about it with each other. I never tell her anything anymore. At least anything important.”
12. Saying That Adults Are Always Right
The fact that they have a little more life experience doesn’t necessarily mean that adults are always right. Nor that kids are always wrong. As one Redditor adds to this thread, explaining why things should be so – rather than “just because” – can go a long way in the eyes of a child.
11. Never Saying Sorry
“Parents who can’t apologize to a child” are also cited in this Reddit thread as being detrimental to their welfare. Yes, we all make mistakes, but being able to own up to them can mark the difference between a good parent and a bad one.
10. Calling a Child Selfish
Whether they’re preschool age or have entered their teens, calling a child selfish is far from positive for their wellbeing. If they’re five, then they simply need their parents to provide for them. Likewise, teens do tend to focus in on themselves while they figure out their role in the world. It’s all part of growing up, say the Reddit commentors, rather than a sign that they’ll turn into self-centered adults.
9. Belittling Their Feelings
Just as damaging as ignoring your kids completely can be making light of their feelings, thoughts and fears. Telling a child that they’re weak, don’t have any real struggles, or giving the impression that their mental health doesn’t matter can all fall into this category.
8. Laying the Blame at Their Door
Telling your child stuff like they spoiled your sex life, you wish they’d been born a boy or girl instead, or just that they’re nothing but a disappointment, is surely poor parenting in the extreme.
7. Using a Child as a Therapist
Are parents who tell all to their kids – then wonder why they struggle to control their emotions – are also guilty of poor parenting? One Reddit user reckons so, and judging by the comments, those who’ve been used as child therapists in the past have then needed their own dose of therapy to cope with what they were told when they were kids.
6. Scaring Your Own Kid
Scaring your child can be as mentally scarring as anything. Would you want to be afraid of the person you put your trust in? The one you thought was there to take care of you, rather than making you frightened?
5. No Interest Whatsoever
Reading the comments on this one might well make you wonder why some people even bother having kids in the first place. If you don’t want your children to cause you any inconvenience whatsoever, or only to do what you want them to, then perhaps you’re guilty of bad parenting. Even worse, of course, if “violence solves the problem by shutting the kid up again”.
4. Using Your Child as a Chess Piece
“Using children as pawns in divorces or separations” is cited by one Reddit user as one of the worst parenting offenses. Even more sobering is the comment made on this thread, citing the example of a high school friend who committed suicide after being treated in such an unforgivable way.
3. Shouting at Them for the Smallest Things
With so many other ways to say something, why would any parent yell at their kids for even a tiny little thing? It’s upsetting for the child and also draws the attention of others for all the wrong reasons. Just don’t do it: as one Redditor points out, ‘there are better ways to communicate.”
2. Refusing To Say No
What really gets one Redditor’s goat is parents who refuse to use the word “no” when it comes to their precious offspring. As they point out, “the world will and should tell them ‘no'” sometimes. So maybe failing to get them used to that has “bad parenting” written all over it.
1. Your Grown-up Kids Don’t Stay in Touch
If your kids are now adults themselves who don’t bother to stay in touch, then it’s worth asking why that might be so. As one Redditor adds to the thread, does that indicate a failure on the parents’ part, rather than the child’s?
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Source: Reddit.